Between Toyland and Vienna
by Nordique1
Summary: What happened after William saved Julia
1. Chapter 1

Thomas Brackenried looked at the Doctor and Murdoch at the bottom of the grave. Neither had moved for a few minutes. They had just stayed down there holding each other tight. Thomas took a long breath. Someone had to do something. Thomas turned to George.

"Here. Crabtree, help me." He turned his attention back to Murdoch:

"Come on Murdoch. Let's get you both out of there." When William showed no sign of having heard him, Brackenried prompted him again: "Murdoch!"

Brackenried's last shout had finally got William's attention. He allowed George and the inspector to help them out of the grave. The moment they had climbed out, Julia burrowed again in William's arms. Brackenried looked around to make sure nobody had arrived yet and swore.

"Bloody hell. What a mess this is." He then gestured towards a bench located some distance away.

"Take her over there for now Murdoch." As he watched Murdoch and Julia slowly walk to the bench and sit down, he turned to George.

"Crabtree. Send word to Garland that is wife is alive and unharmed, then go fetch him." As George left, Thomas called out to him: "And Crabtree. Take your time bringing her husband back." He pointedly looked at the Detective and the doctor still sitting on the bench, holding each other. George understood.

Thomas then allowed himself a breather. He walked to another bench and sat down, took a flask out of his suit jacket and took a long swallow. He was just putting it away when Dr. Grace arrived.

"I came as soon as I heard sir. Does she need medical attention? Where is she? The young doctor has managed to say all that in one breath and was frantically looking around for Julia.

"Sit down. Sit Down Doctor." Answered Thomas. "She does not need your help right now, but maybe later." He paused, not sure how much Dr. Ogden's young protégé knew. What did it matter? She would find out anyway. He gestured to the couple sitting on the bench. "Murdoch is with her. Probably all she needs right now."

Emily looked around and spotted the couple. William was still holding Julia tightly in his arms. Dr. Grace raised her eyebrow and sat down beside the inspector. She looked at him with a shy smile:

"If you have some to share Sir, I could use a swallow. This has been an eventful day."

Thomas looked surprisingly at the young woman but still gave her his flask. She winked at him as she took a small swallow. Yes, Murdoch and Julia's secret was safe with her.

Meanwhile, Julia had not allowed her grip on William to lessen one bit. She was still holding as tight as she could. William having understood that the Inspector was giving them some time alone was still holding her, caressing her hair with his hand, even allowing himself to put a small tender kiss on her head.

Thomas spotted the police carriage coming up the hill. He took a long breath and turned to Dr. Grace.

"Fun and games are over. Come with me Doctor. You'll be needed now I think." He started walking towards William and Julia. He did not waste any time:

"Time's up Murdoch. Her husband will be here shortly." William nodded and started to move Julia's arms away from him. Julia immediately responded by holding on tighter. It took both Thomas and William to pry her away. Brakenried quickly looked at Emily.

"Now's the time to give her something Doctor?"

"Yes, yes of course Inspector." She answered. She quickly took a syringe out of her medical bag and gave an injection to Julia. Thomas turned to William.

"Come on Murdoch. Let's go. Dr. Grace here can take care of her from now on." The two men walked away leaving Emily with Julia. Emily was putting her medical bag away when Darcy arrived.

"Oh my God Julia." Darcy cried. He ignored everybody else, ran to his wife and gathered her in his arms. Julia allowed herself to be held. After a few attempts at trying to get her to talk, Darcy looked at Dr. Grace.

"Did you give her something?" Emily nodded yes.

"I hope you don't mind, but she became hysterical."

Darcy immediately reassured her: "No, no of course not. In these circumstances, I would have done the same."

He gave his attention back to his wife:

"Come on Julia, let's get you home." He gently took his wife and brought her back to the police carriage. He stopped for a moment in front of William and Thomas.

"Inspector. Detective. Thank You. I'll take my wife home now." He walked away with Julia. Emily came over and asked the inspector.

"How did you know sir that Dr. Ogden would…?" Thomas was lost in his thoughts for a few seconds and finally answered.

"That lost look on her eyes. I have seen in before when I was in the regiment….."


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark. Julia could not breathe. She kept hitting the walls, the movements causing her to use her precious supply of air. Even though she knew she should just lie still, she screamed as loud as she could: "William..!"

She woke up in sweats. Darcy, sleeping beside her, was startled awake by her scream. He gathered her in his arms and rocked her gently.

"There…. Julia." He held her for a while. Finally he pulled back and looked at her.

"Do you want an injection to help you sleep?" She quickly said yes. He got up to the dresser and took out a vial. He looked at it and noticed that it was much emptier than it should be. He took in a long breath, looked at his wife and quickly prepared the injection….

Several weeks later, Darcy, sleeping in a separate bedroom, heard Julia's screams through the wall. Again, he thought. It had been nearly two months since his wife had been buried alive and tonight, like every night since, the nightmares had come to her. He quickly went over and tried to wake her.

"Julia. Julia. Wake up. You're dreaming again." He gently tried to shake her, but he could tell the nightmare still had its grips on her. Julia's eyes were open, but were not seeing him. She continued screaming. Darcy became more forceful in his shaking and finally Julia's woke up.

"Darcy? Oh my God Darcy…" She buried herself in his arms. "Hold me please. Hold me."

He gathered her in his arms and held her tight, rocking her gently back and forth, comforting her with both his body and his words.

"Shhhhh….. Shhhhh …..I'm here now." They stayed like that for a long moment and slowly Julia started kissing him, caressing him. Darcy froze. He unwrapped Julia's arms from him and pulled away: "No Julia. No…."

Julia looked at him hurt: "Darcy?"

"I can't Julia. I can't anymore. I love you but I just can't be another one your drugs. I am not even sure if it is me you….." Darcy did not finish his sentence. He took a long breath and continued:

"Julia this has got to stop. You are getting worse. The drinking, the injections…."

Julia started denying it, but Darcy would not relent.

"No Julia. You know I am right. This has gone on too long. You have to snap out of it. Gilles has been found guilty. It's over. You have to move on…"

Julia, her head bowed whispered…: "I'm trying Darcy. I really am, but I can't. Each night, I am afraid to fall asleep. The nightmares are always there."

Darcy had a sad look on his face as he started speaking again: "They are only dreams Julia. It's been two months. I've done all I can, but I don't know how to help you anymore. You have to help yourself. Try to rest. I can stay and hold you if you want."

Julia refused: "I won't be able to sleep now. I'll just get up." Darcy sadly looked at his wife as she left him.

Darcy was absolutely right. She knew the danger was over, but somehow her subconscious mind refused to believe it and each night the nightmares returned. She went downstairs to the kitchen to prepare a pot of tea. The morning newspaper had already been delivered and she settled herself down to read it. The front page story froze the blood in her veins

"Convicted Murderer Gilles to Hang Next Month."

The journalist went to explain that Gilles would be moved to the Don jail where he would spend the last few weeks of his life as he awaiting hanging. Even though Julia knew that she should stop reading, she did not. She read it all, and for the longest time just stayed there, staring blindly in front of her. She got up and went to the liquor cabinet. The drink was half poured when she realized what she was doing. For goodness sake, it's morning, she thought. She heard Darcy move upstairs and quickly went back to the kitchen. She was bringing a tray of fresh tea to the dining room when he walked in.

"Julia. You do not have to do that. Lilly is here for that."

Julia smiled back at him. "It's fine Darcy. Lilly is busy preparing breakfast and I was up anyway….."

Darcy sat down and poured himself a cup. He stayed silent for a few moments and finally said:

"I'm sorry about last night Julia, but you must realize that you need to do something."

Julia put her head down and whispered: "I know Darcy. I know. I' m trying, but I just can't. I hurt. I hurt everywhere and I don't know how to make it stop."

"But you'll have to Julia." He answered. "Have a quiet day today. Do not go to work." With that he got up. Just as he was about to leave the room, he turned to her: "I won't need dinner tonight. I have a hospital board meeting".

Julia watched him leave. She just sat there sitting like a statue until Lilly walked in with a tray. Julia looked up to her:

"I'm so sorry Lilly. I'm not hungry this morning and Dr. Garland has already left." The young maid tried to get her to eat:

"But Mrs. Garland. Please you must. You hardly eat these days."

Julia shook her head and left the dining room. She wandered around the house. The day ahead of her stretched like an eternity. Maybe she could visit William today? She went upstairs to get dressed.

Thomas Brackenried was having his morning tea when he saw Julia walk in. He looked at his wall clock….seven thirty.! Murdoch was not even here yet. He walked out to the main room and called out:

"Doctor. What a pleasant visit. " Thomas gestured to Mudoch's office assuming correctly that Julia was here to see the detective: "He's not here yet. I have some fresh tea…."

Julia turned to him: "Thank you Inspector. That would be wonderful."

They walked into Brackenried's office and sat down. Thomas had not seen the younger woman since that terrible day in the cemetery. He looked at her closely. As he had suspected, the event had had lasting effects on her.

Julia was nervous. She felt as though the Inspector was seeing right through her. She had to say something.

"Inspector.. I should have done it sooner, but I never did thank you for what you did that day…your discretion…. " She looked at William's office. " ... I know you…"

Julia did not really know how to put it all into words. How does a married woman explain that all she had wanted that day was to stay forever in the arms of a man who was not her husband? She looked at Thomas and by the look in look in his eyes, she knew he understood.

He smiled: "It was nothing Doctor." He did not need to ask her how she was doing. Looking at her was his answer. He searched for a way to explain, but could not. How does someone talk of a pain he cannot describe? Just as he was about to attempt it, George walked in:

"Doctor. The detective just arrived .."

Julia sensing the Inspector understood more than she cared to admit saw an escape and took it as quickly as she could. She muttered some thanks to the Inspector and walked over to William's office.

William looked at Julia with concern. In the two month since that fateful day at the cemetery, he had not ceased to worry about her. And now here she was looking so lost, so vulnerable.

"….Julia. Are you sure? You look… " Julia did not allow him finish. She looked at William and lied: "I'm completely fine William…."


	3. Chapter 3

Julia had elected to walk home. For the first time in many weeks the, vice always tightly wound around her chest, had loosened up a bit. She wanted to make the feeling last as long as she could. Seeing William, talking with him, even allowing herself to touch him had felt so good. She knew she should be feeling guilty about it, but for now she was ignoring the guilt and simply enjoying the moment.

Darcy, standing at the window of their house, saw her walk up the stairs and noticed the smile on her face. He took a long breath. She had not smiled in so long…..

Julia walked in and saw the luggage in the front entrance. She was taking off her hat as Darcy walked in. She looked at him questionably:

"You are going then?" Julia hesitated for a second before continuing:

"Perhaps I should go also. Perhaps I was too hasty in saying no. We have not seen your family in nearly a year after all."

Darcy took a long breath: "Yes. Quite so. That is why I suggested the trip, but now… "

Julia looked at him questionably: "Darcy. I don't understand."

"Julia. I know you are hurting…. Struggling with the memories of that horrible event. I've tried to help, but you won't let me in. You won't talk to me." Darcy stopped talking for a moment before he continued.

"I just saw you smile just now as you were walking up the stairs. You've not smiled in a long time. Do you know how it feels for me to know that Murdoch is the cause of that? Him. Not me. "

Julia opened her mouth to start to say something, but Darcy stopped her.

"Don't deny it Julia. I know you went to see him today. A short visit with him achieves more than … You talk to him for a few minutes and you smile? Do you know how much I've tried to make you smile in the last few weeks?"

Julia did not know what to answer. How could she deny the truth?

"I'm sorry Darcy."

Darcy took his bags. "I see the cab just arrived. I will see you in a month."

William was alone in his office. He abruptly threw the chalk he had in his hand at his board. Escape. James Gilles had escaped. How could it have happened? Gilles was out there. He had taken Julia once. He could do it again. William knew he had to tell Julia, but he just did not know how.

Thomas Brackenried saw Murdoch still sitting in his office. He went over.

"Does Dr. Ogden know yet?"

William could not meet his inspector's eyes.

"No Sir. I tried to get hold of her husband, but he is out of town."

Brackenried looked at his detective: "She needs to be told. It'll be in the papers by tomorrow. She should not have to find out that way." Thomas hesitated before he went on.

"Why don't I ask Margaret to go over. That was a horrible experience for Dr. Ogden and with Gilles back out there….. Margaret is good with that kind of thing."

William felt like a coward, leaving Margaret to break the news to Julia.

"But Sir. It should be me. It's my fault Gilles abducted her in the first place."

Thomas looked at his detective. "It's not your fault lad. The man has a deranged mind. You can't blame yourself for his actions. I know you feel it's your duty to tell her, but let Margaret do this. Trust me on this one Murdoch.."

William quietly nodded yes. Thomas left. William continued to sit in the dark. He would not sleep well again tonight.

Margaret was walking up the steps to Julia's house. She was not looking forward to the conversation, but she knew Thomas was right; she was the best person to tell her. Julia was having tea in her drawing room reading a book when Margaret was escorted in. Margaret sat down and looked at the younger woman. Julia immediately realized that something was wrong.

"It's William isn't it? Something's happened." Margaret quickly put Julia's mind at rest but still maintained a grave look.

"No. No. It's not. He's fine. It's Gilles."

Julia froze and whispered: "Gilles"

Margaret could see the shock on Julia. She took the younger woman's hands in her own before she continued.

"He escaped today while he was being moved to the Don's for hanging. "

Julia did not say anything. She just sat there frozen. Finally after a few moments she got up and walked over to the liquor cabinet. She was pouring a drink when Margaret stopped her.

"It won't help Julia. You know that."

Julia's shoulders hunched down in defeat and she whispered: "I know, but…."

Margaret guided the younger woman back to the sofa.

"Here. Here come over here." Julia sat down and slowly tears started coming down her face. She turned to Margaret.

"Oh Margaret. I'm so lost. Every night I'm afraid to go to sleep. The days are even worse. I…." Julia looked at Margaret, unsure how to explain. She did not need to.

"Oh Julia you don't have to say any more. I understand. I've been married to Thomas long enough."

Julia looked questionably back at the other woman: "Thomas?"

"He was in the wars Julia. Not all his scars are on his body." Margaret paused.

"You need help Julia. Perhaps you should call Darcy back from Buffalo?"

Julia had started shaking her head halfway through the sentence. "No. No. Margaret. It would not help anyway." Julia hesitated, her head down; a bit ashamed of what she was going to say next.

"We've been keeping separate rooms for a while now."

"Oh.." said Margaret.

Julia hesitantly answered back: "….but I have been thinking for a while now to call Dr. Roberts."

Margaret looked at Julia straight in the eyes: "You have to Julia. You cannot do this on your own. I will help you. You can call me anytime. I'll stay here with you tonight and tomorrow, well tomorrow we will call Dr. Roberts."

Julia smiled her thanks back: "Thank You Margaret. Thank you."

_**Note: Regarding the comments on the timeline…. Since we never really know how much time elapses between episodes I decided to put my own interpretation on Murdoch in Toyland. The scene at the cemetery takes place in late summer. Two months later Julia visits William at Station Four, the same day Gilles is to be transported to the Don for hanging. He escapes during transport. We are now mid to late October…..**_


	4. Chapter 4

Julia was making her way to the Brackenrieds for dinner. She was leaving for Vienna the next day and Margaret had invited her and William over. The last week had been surreal. Her thoughts drifted back to New Year's eve…..

Julia took a few seconds to react to Darcy's statement….. "… to be with who she wished…" She quickly got up and ran after him: "Darcy wait…I don't understand…."

He stopped and turned to her: "Oh yes you do Julia. You know perfectly well what I am saying."

Julia did not know how to respond: "But it's New Year's eve. I should be with you."

"Yes you should." He said. "But you should be with me because you want to be, not because you have to."

She tried to answer: "But I do want…." Darcy did not let her finish.

"Stop lying to me and to yourself Julia. Just go… "

He stopped and looked at her for a second before continuing. "You always do what you want anyway. Just now, a few hours ago you inform me that you are off to Vienna for six months. Don't you think you should have consulted me on this? "

Julia bowed her head, ashamed of her actions. "Yes, Yes. I should have. But I have been so busy working that case….."

Darcy interrupted her: "…with Murdoch."

Julia whispered back: "Yes with William." She looked at her husband for a second before she continued:

"But going to Vienna Darcy. That has nothing to do with William. For weeks now I have known that I had come along as far as I could with Dr. Roberts; both personally and professionally. I am much better now, but I want to stay better. I don't want to go back to where I was…."

Darcy looked at his wife: "Oh Julia it's more than Vienna and you know it. You have to decide what it is you want. I am off to the Lamonts. Come if you want. If you show up, I'll know…and if you don't, well….. "

Julia had watched him leave. Even now a week later, she could not believe she had actually done it. She had agonized over the decision for hours. So long, that she had barely made it to the New Year 's Eve ball on time for the midnight count. Even despite having rehearsed what to say to William a dozen times, she had still babbled nervously about nothing and everything. Had he not taken the initiative and questioned her motives for being there, she was not sure she would have had the courage to come out and say it. After she told him, she was so nervous, so worried. Worried that he would respond like he had when she had told him of her sterility; when he had silently stood there, seemingly judging her and finding her lacking. This time though, had been different. She still blushed at what he had done. Kissing her like that in front of everyone. They had barely talked that night, both of them knew that time for talking would come later. It hadn't come. A murder had been committed and she had been busy making last minute arrangements for her trip.

Finally, she arrived at the Brackenrieds. Margaret let her in. They settled themselves in the drawing room.

Margaret asked Julia: Have you had time to…. settle everything?"

Julia looked worriedly at Margaret: "Yes and No… I've only seen William briefly and in public, so having a frank discussion has been impossible. And to be honest Margaret, I'm so unsure of everything. New Year's eve was wonderful, romantic, but not really real was it? What does he want with me anyway… ? Me, a barren pigheaded woman on the wrong side of thirty and married to another man at that….." Julia stopped. These things she knew; had known them before joining William that night, but saying them out loud made them so much more real, so much bigger to overcome, Margaret took a long look at Julia.

"Julia. I can't lie to you. Obviously William and you have not chosen the easy path. You will have challenges ahead of you but that is what real relationships are all about; sharing obstacles and coming through. William and you will find a way."

Julia looked at Margaret with hope: "You think? You think we can?"

Margaret smiled and hugged her just as they heard the front door open. Julia looked at the door, nervously re-arranging her hair as the two men walked in. Neither William nor Julia spoke. They just looked at each other. They barely noticed Margaret dragging her husband away. William spoke first.

"I wish you wouldn't go away, so far for so long."

Julia agreed: "Yes I know, but perhaps this time it is really for the best. What we will be doing William, it will be hard. You have to be sure. This will give you time to think."

William came to her. "I am sure now Julia."

She smiled sadly back at him. "I know you are, but everything has gone so fast. I've not changed William. I'm still me. What drove us apart before is still there….. " . She stopped talking because her abortion and its horrible consequences had always seemed impossible to overcome. Each time, she had to talk about it, the words never came, but it needed saying.

"William. There will be no miracles. I will never be able to have children. You must understand that if we are to have a chance."

William then did what she wished he would have done in her morgue two years ago. He took her in his arms and held her for the longest time. Finally he spoke:

"Julia. I meant what I wrote then. It does not matter. I will be proud and happy to adopt children with you. I just wish I would have had the courage to come to Buffalo and …"

"William please stop… say no more. I should have stayed. Let you have time to take it all in….We are both at fault."

She stopped talking and he took her in his arms and held her for a long long time. Finally Julia lifted her head and smiled at William as she said: "Margaret's dinner invitation was just for show you know. " Julia looked at the door. "They won't be back. She left some food for us in the kitchen should we need some."

It took a few seconds for William to figure it out. He smiled.

"Hmm …I could skip dinner." He started kissing her. "You will be gone for many months after all…."

Julia smiled. Maybe they did have a chance after all.


End file.
